


Preventive Measures

by midget_boss



Series: One Universe Over [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Conspiracy, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, Some Humor, medical conditions mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midget_boss/pseuds/midget_boss
Summary: The 212th's medic, Buzz, and Kix have a conference about a little problem they’ve run into. It turns out to be a more widespread problem than they thought. Clearly, they need to get a handle on it.
Series: One Universe Over [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924129
Kudos: 112





	Preventive Measures

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be humorous, but these are medics in a war, so that didn't entirely work out. The implied character deaths are unnamed clone troopers. No details are given, but it is mentioned. If you want to avoid it you can skip the middle section entirely.

“It’d make more sense if it was an entire squad,” Kix lamented. He ran his hand over his head. “But no, it’s just one or two from different squads.”

“How many altogether?” Buzz asked wearily.

“Five,” Kix answered. “Out of six new squads, I’ve got five shinies with STDs after shore leave.”

“I’ve got a report from Guile in the 41st that says they’ve had two so far,” Buzz admitted. “They haven’t had to bring on as many new squads.”

“Has there been a change in the training program?” Kix demanded.

“Possibly, but the numbers don’t add up,” Buzz replied. He rubbed his hand down his face.

“Jesse was joking that they could just be unlucky,” Kix muttered.

“Luck has nothing to do with classes,” Buzz grumbled. “Now if you said they just didn’t pay attention, that’d be different. But five, out of thirty?”

“I know,” Kix cried, aggrieved. “This should not be an issue.”

“Might be time to make it part of the briefing packet,” Buzz said heavily. He could already hear the lame jokes and snide comments.

“If we can make it the part the officers give, I’m all for it,” Kix told him.

Buzz snorted. “Yeah, no. Commander Cody is great with orders, but biological processes? He’d probably just tell them to use protection without going into details and I’d have to give the lecture anyway, on an individual basis.”

“Thought he was big on plans?” Kix asked.

“Making and executing, sure,” Buzz agreed. “Explaining them? Not so much.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Kix looked thoughtful, then he shuddered. “I just tried to imagine the Captain giving the talk, because there’s no way our commander could do it.”

“Well, technically she could,” Buzz argued. “But would anyone want her to?”

“No,” Kix said flatly. “And I can only imagine Captain Rex’s and General Skywalker’s reactions.”

“I’m not even going to try to imagine Commander Cody’s reaction, or General Kenobi’s,” Buzz told him wryly. “No, I’m afraid this is something we’re going to have to handle ourselves. I’ll reach out to the head medics of the other armies, see if they have anything to say about it.”

“Thanks,” Kix said gratefully. “Let me know if I can help.”

“You can start now,” Buzz informed him with a grin. “Someone needs to prepare that lecture.”

“Yes, sir,” Kix muttered.

……………………

“Well, I’ve spoken to Korbel of the Guard, Oake of the 1st Sector Army, Patches of the 2nd, Bones of the 4th, Sunshine of the 15th, Blade of the 9th, Blade of the 7th, Knife of 11th, Edge of the 16th, Saw of the 17th, and Streaker of the 20th, Buuz announced by way of greeting when the line connected. “Since they serve with their generals, they’ll handle speaking to the medics of the other armies each general oversees.”

“So it’s been occurring everywhere?” Kix asked. “I don’t know if I’m relieved or even more confused.”

“I’ve decided to be both,” Buzz declared. “I’m talented like that.”

“Ambitious of you,” Kix replied mildly. “I don’t think I have that kind of energy anymore.”

“Bad campaign?” Buzz asked quietly.

“We’ll need three more squads,” Kix answered hollowly. “I lost three vod while trying to operate. If I could have gotten to them faster, or had better equipment ready …” He trailed off, looking lost.

“I’m sorry,” Buzz said.

They let the silence stretch for a moment. Kix slowly shook his head and cleared his throat.

“So, the others are on board, or will be,” he said. “I’ve got a lecture ready, complete with some nasty pictures. We spring it on the shinies when they come by for their check-ups and orientation.”

“I’ve been thinking about that.” Buzz looked at his data pad. “Some of the reports I’m seeing show that some of the new cases are of older troopers. Not veterans, per say, but not shinies either.”

“Probably didn’t get out much until they were more comfortable,” Kix said with a shrug.

“Yeah, I thought so, to,” Buzz agreed. “The thing is, I’d like for this to be taken care of all at one time. Oh, we’ll have to do the shinies every time, there’s no way around that.”

“But how do we get the in-betweeners?” Kix pondered. He grimaced. “I don’t have the energy to see them individually.”

“Or the time, I’m sure,” Buzz said dryly. “Neither do I. I have a different idea in mind.”

……………………

“So you see, sirs, it’s going to cut down on problems in the long run,” Buzz told them, beaming. General Kenobi smiled, bemused but willing. Commander Cody just stared at him.

“The conference room only holds fifty people,” Cody told him flatly. “So do the rec rooms.”

“Okay,” Buzz said, rapidly redoing his calculations.

“There are currently nine-thousand, nine hundred and seventy-nine troopers on this ship,” Cody continued. “That’s two hundred lectures, Sargent.”

“How long do you expect the lectures to take?” General Kenobi asked.

“Around an hour,” Buzz replied with a shrug.

“And you’ve got two other medics and thee assistants,” the man murmured. “Even if it’s just medics giving the lecture, that’s roughly sixty-six lectures for each of you.”

“Yes, sir,” Buzz agreed with a sinking feeling.

“Between us, we might be able to swing a little down time at Coruscant after this next campaign,” General Kenobi confided. “It won’t be true shore leave, only two or three days, but it could be a test of sorts.”

“Before it goes out GAR wide,” Cody said, looking thoughtful.

“The problem is that we’ll only have roughly seven days in transit, there and back,” General Kenobi continued.

“We’ll need each of the medics doing nine or ten lectures a day,” Cody finished. He eyed Buzz. “Do you think you and your men can handle that?”

“Half of them on the way there, half on the way back,” Buzz mused. “That’ll also give us an idea of the best time to deliver lectures.”

“Sounds good,” General Kenobi said with another smile. “Now we need to decide where the lectures will be held.”

“Carve and Butcher will use the two forward rec rooms on decks two and four,” Buzz told him. “I’ll hold mine in med bay.”

“So we’ll need to announce no drawing or science lessons this trip,” General Kenobi murmured. “A shame. I was hoping to get a refresher on jungle biology before we land on Ajan Kloss. Jungles can have very delicate ecosystems, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know that,” Buzz told him. “And I can’t say I care about their ecosystem. What kind of dangers do I need to prepare for?”

“Well, if you have time, I could have Research send you his lesson plans,” General Kenobi said.

“I’ll get him to summarize for me,” Buzz declared. He leveled a look at the commander. “See to the announcement.”

Cody gave him an unimpressed look. Buzz smiled toothily. “Or you could help present lectures.”

“There’s likely to be some grumbling,” General Kenobi said thoughtfully. “Have we used up all the cocoa we managed to get last time? It might help soothe anyone ruffled by the sudden change.”

“We have enough for one serving each,” Cody admitted.

“Save it for the way back,” Buzz advised.

“Good idea,” General Kenobi said. He smiled sadly. “It’s helpful to have something warm and soothing. Did you know that there is been a long-standing belief that cocoa has an uplifting effect on humans and near humans?”

“Belief, but not proof?” Cody asked curiously. General Kenobi’s eyes lit up.

Buzz shook his head as he left.

**Author's Note:**

> I made up most of the names listed here for medics. They may overlap with someone else's.


End file.
